The Adventures of SOPA (1)

SOPA. There's been some buzz about them recently. 

I personally find what they're doing completely ridiculous. Perhaps I will earn some arguments here. I rather hope not. I'm not a particularly argumentative person because I just don't have it in me to toughen up and ignore the sense other people might be spewing, even if they have a different view from me. 

... Also, it might just be me, but most people seem more interested in growing inexplicably angry rather than discussing and conceding their difference in opinions...

Anyway, enough from me. This is just a little something I wrote. There will be more. 

References to Monty Python, the ultimate inspiration. 

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(Scene 1. Two charming old ladies, Margaret and Mavis, are sitting before the TV, knitting. A fire is crackling in the fireplace. The TV displays a bright, grinning presenter at a quiz show of some kind. The two ladies chat.)

Margaret: Ooh, Mavis, listen! This is a hard question!
Presenter: (on TV)  ... What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? Be careful, John, this is difficult!
Mavis: An unladen swallow, hmm? (pauses from knitting) That IS difficult... 
Margaret: ... 6 miles per hour?
Mavis: No, no, can't be. It's unladen! Must be faster.

(Pause. Both old women tilt their heads to consider.)

Margaret: (After a while) ... Is it African or European? I mean, it's a 5 ounce bird...
Mavis: Hmm... Depends on what it's carrying, too...
Margaret: Says here it's a coconut. (another pause) Say, Mavis, what if two swallows carried between them - 
Mavis: Ssh, Margaret! Ssh! (waves hands around) They're announcing the answers now!
Presenter: (grinning to a man off-screen) ... Bad luck, John. The correct answer was 24 miles per hour. (turns to smile at the camera) You've juuuust lost your chance to escape prison. Sorry! Apply next time.

(The TV screen flickers to show 'John' dragged screaming off the stage)

Presenter: (on TV) And that's all from us, folks! Tune in next Thursday for the special episode of 'Escaping Prison!' I'm Michael, see you soon!

(The show pulls out into the credits. Margaret and Mavis sigh happily and turn back to their knitting.)

Margaret: It's a brilliant show, isn't it?
Mavis: Ooh yes. Absolutely lovely. I mean, whoever thought of the idea, hmm? Ten questions correct and you're out of jail. We need more shows like 'Escaping Prison!' 

(Abruptly, the doors burst open and three policemen jump in, raising their guns)

Policeman 1: ALRIGHT! PUT YOUR HANDS UP! WE ARE SOPA, AND YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW!

(Margaret and Mavis both scream and jump up, holding their hands in the air and dropping their knitting in the process.)

Margaret: Wh-What have we done?
Policeman 2: (coming up from behind Policeman 1 holding a list of charges) You have, willfully and deliberately, mentioned the name of a copyrighted TV programme without consent from its creators! (looks up and glares) Now then... Which one of you was it?
Margaret: (trembling) I-It was... (points) It was her! Her!
Mavis: (shocked and horrified) What? But I thought...
Policeman 1: THAT'S IT! YOU! (waves Policeman 3 forward) TIE HER UP! YOU'RE COMING WITH US!

(Policeman 3 moves forward to tie Mavis up.)

Mavis: (helplessly) B-But all I said was...!
Policeman 2: Did you gain permission from the creators to say their programme's name?
Mavis: (frightened) N-No, but...!
Policeman 2: Then you have no right to utter it! Come on! (waves to Policeman 3) Off we go!
Mavis: B-But...! (is shoved forcibly off stage.)

(All except Policeman 1 trail off the stage one by one. The lights black out, with one spotlight focusing upon Policeman 1, who turns to face the camera seriously.)

Policeman 1: (proudly declaring the words) And that's another job well done by SOPA. What could people have done without us? We make sure no one violate copyright laws. If you don't want people to enjoy and share your works, call us, and WE will make sure all your fans efforts will go unnoticed! 

(Theme music plays, accompanied by applause. Light fades out. Curtains descend.)

Narrator: ... The adventures of SOPA are only just beginning.  

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